Detroit Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting: Resilience in Leadership

[Music] Well, Christina, thank you so much for being with us today. So, can you give us a self introduction? Absolutely. Hi everyone. My name is Christina Cherto and I'm the program manager for strategic initiatives at the University of Michigan's artificial intelligence laboratory. My work there includes developing programs and initiatives that will help my lab members gain visibility and opportunities. I'm also involved in our community outreach efforts to help dispel myths about AI and bring better understanding to adults and children alike in our community. I've held previous roles as a program manager and director for marketing for functional diagnostic nutrition and also held many vital roles at the University of Michigan where I helped the college of engineering actually develop the UN user interface and functionality for its student management system. I am an avid fitness enthusiast and in my spare time I teach group fitness and enjoy helping people achieve their health goals through classes such as yoga, cardio, kickboxing, strength training and circuit boot camp. You might find me at opera on tap or in a production of the University of Michigan's Gilbert and Sullivan Society as well. Well, we are excited you're with us. So, take it away. The floor is all yours. Thank you. So when I agreed to give this talk on thriving in the face of challenges and setbacks, I mentally went back through a quick timeline of my life. And I began to note like all the different times and examples that could be relevant to share. In my time on this earth, I've been faced with a great deal of mindbending challenges and setbacks. Do I tell you about the period where I was working full-time, going through a divorce, raising three young children who were all under four, all while still trying to get my undergraduate degree? Or do I tell you about the time where I stood up to a supervisor for my beliefs and they were vindictive and tried to ensure that no one would ever hire me again after I left that position? Maybe I tell you about the visions that I had that were challenged or disregarded or the hundreds of nos that I've encountered on the way to achieving my goals. Maybe about the times I've been at the center of someone else's jealousy and rage. There are hundreds of personal and professional challenges that came to mind and that were part of the process of getting where I am today. But as I was thinking about these examples, it dawned on me that none of them actually mattered in the scope of this talk. It's enough for you to know that I've had more of these big challenges and setbacks than I care to count. What I'm here to do today is not to unload all on that to you. Rather, it's to tell you the tools and the tricks that I learned in the process so that you too can learn how to take your challenges and your setbacks and turn them into your greatest assets. and that it's not enough to simply be resilient. Resilience is it's more than a buzzword. It's that nebulous strength sitting inside of us that we need to tap into when things get hard. The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands. Looking at that definition, it's no doubt that every single one of us has had to be resilient at some moment in our lives. Life is full of challenges and it's inevitable that we're going to face situations where we need to tap into this strength. We've all had to adapt to something that didn't go right. We've all had to be flexible in our reactions or in our thinking. But resilience is not innate. It's not something we're born with. It's something that we develop because we have to. It's something that we get better at the more that we face life's challenges and setbacks. And because it's a learned skill, you can be sure there are better ways to get through certain situations than others. And there are many traps that you can also get caught in trying to simply adapt and be flexible. How you manage yourself when the need to arise or the need to be resilient arises helps you strengthen your own personal resilience and it directly affects whether you simply get through a situation or you learn to turn it to your advantage. If we think of resilience as simply being able to adapt to demands and challenges of life and keep on trucking, we might find ourselves feeling depleted or stressed or overburdened. All the flexibility that's required to mentally, behaviorally, and emotionally adapt to a challenge can leave us feeling burnt out or tired or ignored or sometimes even inconsequential. We can pride ourselves then on our ability to get through on our strength and our flexibility, but in the end we feel drained and like we're stuck in a rut that we can't get out of. And when we're feeling that way, sometimes it can be difficult to feel like the leader and visionary that you are because life will come at you and sometimes it will come at you hard. But there are ways that you can set yourself up to come through those situations, not only alive and breathing, but better off for them. I'm going to go through some of the things that I've learned on my journey. Um, and I'm going to put them in the chat as we go, and I would love for you to respond there with your ideas on how to best utilize these in your own life or with any comments that you might have on it. But my first question in the chat is, what do you think it means to be resilient? Oh, and thank you, Anna. Yes. Can't even tell co-workers about vacations due to jealousy. Yes. Yeah, that jealousy and rage. It's a real thing. Um especially when you're doing well. Sometimes people don't take that very well. So, the first thing about being resilient or thriving in the face of these challenges and setbacks is looking at things from the scope of what can you learn. The first thing that I learned about being resilient as a leader is that you need to change your mental framework around how you view your challenges and setbacks. When something goes wrong, as it inevitably will, it's an opportunity or a lesson. Maybe the lesson is for you personally. Maybe it's for someone you manage. Maybe it's for a co-orker. How do I do that? You might ask. How do I think of something that completely failed as an opportunity? How do I think of my chronic anxiety as a lesson? And the truth is, at first it can be really hard to see. But when you start to change your mental framework, as you try to begin facing those situations with the idea that you're going to learn something from this experience, either about yourself, about the dynamics of other people, about a system, a process, or emotion, if you start off from that frame of mind, you begin to look at failures as giving you new ideas on ways to improve and make things better. you begin to think about what might trigger that anxiety and how to avoid those triggers or maybe manage them so that it becomes much more controllable and you gain control over the situation. The next lesson is to take a moment to reflect and plan. The beautiful thing about life is not that we control what happens to us, but we get to control how we respond to a situation. And we also get to control what we do with it. It's important to always remind yourself, is this situation life-threatening? If it's not, you don't need to respond right away. And just because you feel the pressure to respond quickly doesn't mean that you can't take a moment to think things through. I found that before I go into reaction mode, it's important for me to take a few moments to gather myself, to collect my thoughts, and to develop an action plan. Those few moments that you take to gather your thoughts, ideas, and plan are crucial to making sure that you're taking the correct action for the situation at hand. Sometimes if you feel like you hit a brick wall, nothing seems to be coming to you, you can't find the action, you can't find the plan, sleep on it. Review the situation new in the morning and don't be afraid to consult with other people. Sometimes you can get really good ideas from other people. The other thing I learned is the more minds the better. I am a proponent of the variation of the many minds theory. According to British philosopher Michael Lockwood, in any given person, there is a multiplicity of distinct conscious points of view. So if you take any individual person, there are many ways that they can look at a situation and process how to think about it and what to do with it. So if you put multiple people together, each with those multiple different ways of thinking about a situation, you open up a huge amount of possibilities, a number of possibilities that you yourself, one person couldn't possibly think of. The more minds, the better. Get perspectives. Ask everyone that you are able to about their interpretations. What would they do? What did they think? You don't have to use any of their suggestions or ideas. But I found even if I don't use the advice or or the information that I heard, it sometimes sparks something within me that makes me think in a little bit different way that gets me to my goal, to the proper plan of action for the situation. It might just give you that epiphany that you need to move forward in a way that's more beneficial for you and for everyone involved. The next one is huge. Avoid negative talk. This one's going to be hard for a lot of people. I know this is selft talk and it's also talk about others. Um, sometimes you have to vent. I mean, that's just part of it. You're going to have to vent at some moments. You can't just keep it all bottled inside. But in that case, negative talk for a moment can help you express your anger and frustration. But staying in that negative space will not. And it can also be very damaging if you're talking negatively about yourself or about another person. Words are internalized. We internalize the things that we say. And if we say them out loud to another person, that other person is internalizing them, too. and the people around somebody that we might be talking about that can have a very serious impact on the way that you move forward in the future. So, it's important it's really important to choose them wisely and to temper them with respect. Bailey, yes. How do I avoid negative talk when there's an important member of the team that complains about everything? Yes, that is so hard. Generally, you can say something like, "I understand what you're saying. I don't quite see it that way. I understand, but maybe about this." And turn it positively. You don't always have to listen to what somebody else is saying. You can acknowledge how they feel if you want or you can ignore it and simply move on with the more positive or the more useful information or talk that's going to be beneficial. There have been many times in my life I've had to simply ignore what somebody is saying and keep talking about it as though they didn't complain. Didn't acknowledge it. And the more that you don't acknowledge that, the more the less likely they become able to do that. The next one is to offer grace. And yes, I'm not working off slides today. Sorry. I've got everything. I'm throwing it in the chat. Um, and I'm happy to share with you all of this information afterwards. Um, but a offer grace. So, what does that mean? It means avoiding blame. No disparaging thoughts. This goes for yourself and anyone else involved in the situation. Is there someone to blame? Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. That information generally isn't useful when you're facing a crisis and you need to tap into your resilience. Offer grace to yourself and anyone else who's involved. It does no good to blame anyone when you're going through a situation. Even if they are to blame, it's often wasted energy and it only serves to get in the way of what you're trying to accomplish. Oh, and it looks like Thank you, Kim. I'm only posting to the host and panelists. Sorry about that. I'll start posting to everybody here now. um reflect reflect afterwards. All right, can everyone see that now? So, it's important when you're going through a situation, even you can reflect inside. Take the time to reflect upon the situation, try to understand their reasons as to why the situation occurred the way it did. Recognize your own part in it. Recognize other parts in it. That's different than blame. And if someone is truly at fault for the situation, there might need to be action taken so that it doesn't happen again. But I have found that the most effective leaders use these as opportunities to fine-tune their own skills and processes or to advise their employees to improve in areas they aren't strong. This is a lesson for both you and those whom you lead. And sometimes it does come to a point where maybe somebody does have to be let go. But again, it's a lesson both for you and for them about how to work together, what works and what doesn't. This one was huge for me. Use comparisons wisely. It is so easy to compare how you're handling something to how someone else is com would handle it or could handle it or has handled something similar. And it is important, you know, to know how others handled similar situations. It can be really helpful. But it's also important that you don't compare your actions or reactions to others in a disparaging way. Each and every single situation is different. And while you might find similarities, there is always a few degrees of difference that can drastically affect how and why things are the way they are for you in that situation. Now, saying that, it's important to note that there are healthy ways to compare. If you're comparing in an effort to learn from how someone else handled the situation, it can offer an opportunity for growth. But if you're comparing and find yourself blaming yourself or other people in your purview for not reacting in a similar way, that's an unhealthy comparison. And that should be avoided at all costs. If you find yourself in comparison mode, ask yourself, is this helpful? Will this comparison teach me something on how to approach a situation like this better or this situation better? And if your reply is no or if it's snarky, which you know sometimes we go there, then your energy is better spent on different aspects of the problem. Another huge one, avoid excuses. Are there reasons for the actions you chose, the things you did or didn't do? Of course. But avoid using those reasons as excuses. Don't use the reasons as a continual barrier to what you're trying to do. Instead, think of the ways you can eliminate them in the current situation or the next time you face a similar situation. Cara, how can I show grace to a part-time staff without being seen as a pushover? Yes, that's a great question. Um, there's a difference between showing grace and letting people walk all over you. Showing grace is treating them with kindness and respect and offering them an opportunity to explain themselves. It doesn't mean that they're not held accountable. It doesn't mean that you're constantly just always nice to them. If you stay focused on the business at the task at hand, um then you can hold them accountable and show them grace. A lot of times in situations, I've had to tell somebody something positive first and then tell them what I needed them to do, like, "Hey, I really like the way that you did this, but I really need this to be done in this certain way this next time." Or asking them questions about things like, "How can I help you get to this point? What do you need in order to feel like you can do this effectively?" really just talking to them to find out what the issues are surrounding it. Most people most people are wanting to change and move forward and do better. If you find yourself in a situation where there's someone who isn't, you can still show grace by being kind and respectful while still holding them accountable for what they they need to do. This one was big for me, too. In fact, all of these were big for me. So, hopefully these are are helpful for you. Don't dwell. You are responsible for making the most out of the situation. Reflection can be helpful, but only if you don't get caught in the negative thought patterns that do more harm than good. And emotion often accompanies thinking over a situation or overthinking a situation. And it's easy to get stuck in thinking about a certain aspect that didn't go right or where you felt like you failed or like you felt like you came up short. And while it's good to note those areas that you can improve on, it's not good to beat yourself up over it. Your energy is better spent on learning how to fix those things for the future. Do you need more training? Do you need to do more research or develop a new skill? What can you do? Focus on what you can do instead of what you didn't do or what you should have done because you can't go back. There's no way that you can go back to fix that situation. You've reflected. You've thought about it. You've seen what you could or couldn't do. Right. Now's the time to move forward and make sure it doesn't happen again. So, what can you do to fix that in the future? Do you need to learn those new skills? Do you need to learn to get control of the anxiety a little better or manage those triggers? Do you need to learn how to not take things personally that other people are saying? Do you need to give yourself grace? And yes, dwelling and at is very hard to get out of even in your personal life. And I found that focusing on what you can do rather than what you didn't do, focusing on the future rather than the past really helps get out of that mind space. Tune out the naysayers. Many times you're going to come across people who think that you can't. They think that you shouldn't. They think that you should follow their rules. They think that you should just do something the way it's always been done. I know we've all heard that once or twice. And if leaders always listen to the naysayers, we never would have developed automobiles or a flight or discovered the secrets of physics. The truth is these types of thoughts and ideas aren't usually helpful. That's not to say to ignore the naysayers completely. They might actually have a valid consu concern or issue that you should think about, but you should think on the factual part of that concern or issue, not necessarily the opinion that they are saying with it. So oftentimes you'll hear somebody say, "Oh, you shouldn't do that because of this. I think that's a dumb idea." Okay, the because of this is what you listen to. Dumb idea. Nope. That's out the window. You don't listen to that part of it. you only listen to what that concern is at the moment and then you can determine whether or not you think it's really as big a concern as they think it is or if perhaps they have a different perspective and you know something that they might not quite know about this specific situation. Yeah, if your naysayers are slingers of opinion and there's no fact involved at all, don't even bother. Thank you, Jen. Don't swing to the opposite side of the spectrum. Don't get lost in La La Land trying to counter all the negativity in your head. You need to be rooted in reality. You need to hold yourself accountable. You need to look for ways that are going to be there for you to improve, that are fixable and manageable. But when you're ready, and not before, you need to reflect on the challenge or setback. And you need to start to identify your reactions and whether or not those were good or beneficial reactions or whether they caused more hardship. And you need to be honest with yourself. And when I say honest, I don't mean brutal. You do not need to be brutal with yourself. You just need to take accountability for all the things you may have done wrong, no matter the reason that they were done wrong. and you need to think of the ways you could have done them better without that negativity. The self-reflection can help you game plan for similar situations you might face in the future and it can help you realize what your shortcomings might be and I really love this one. Realize that your weaknesses can also be your strengths. In fact, sometimes they're your biggest strengths. Your biggest weaknesses can often be your biggest strengths. We all have shortcomings. We all have things we need to work on to be better human beings and leaders. There is not a single one of us on this earth that has attained perfection. And there isn't one of us on this earth who ever will. When you realize that, you start to open yourself up to growth mentality. When you recognize your shortcomings, you can identify ways to turn them into your strengths. Do you tend to react too quickly? Okay, you know you're decisive. Remind yourself it's good to be decisive, but that you should do some recon on the situation to make sure that you're making the right decision before you decide. Once you take a moment to pause, that decisiveness might be able to help you further attain your goals. Do you overanalyze? Okay, remind yourself you're analytical, you're thorough, but that there are other ways to think about the situation outside of your mental realm. Start to gather opinions and ideas from other people or situations and brainstorm so that you don't get caught in a mental loop. Do you have trouble making decisions that involve other people? Okay. Remind yourself you're careful and thoughtful and invite input for those people whose lives may be impacted by your decision. The list goes on. It goes on and on and on. Your shortcomings are also your strengths, but you just have to tap into how you can use them as strengths. You have to reflect upon them and act upon them thoughtfully. When Dora Yes. When do you tell others about weaknesses? I had a lazy supervisor use my admission against me in an annual review. Yes. So, I don't tell people about my weaknesses um to be quite honest because I always try to turn them into strengths. Your weaknesses are opportunities for growth. And so, I think it's more about how you frame them. If you do want to tell somebody about your weaknesses, sometimes you have to because you're in the middle of a project and your weakness is coming out and you need to make some kind of admission so that people understand where you're coming from. In that kind of situation, you can say something like, "I have a little trouble with this, but I'm working on it." So that it doesn't become something that is just a definition of you. It's something that you're working on. It's something that you're going to get through and going to find a way to turn that into a strength. Taking the pause can be challenging for me too, Beth. Yes, absolutely. The pause is hard, especially if you're a quick reactor, but that pause is so essential in in finding a way to get through the situation. This one for me is huge. Find a healthy outlet. You need a healthy way to work through all the thoughts, all the emotions that come out of any situation that's challenging. Having that outlet lets you release your tension and anxiety about the situation so that you can open your mind to view the situation differently. For me, it's working out. It's doing fitness on the side and helping people achieve their health goals. Other people might find comfort in gardening or playing games, watching videos, talking, meditating. Um, grounding tools can be very helpful or even throwing yourselves into a project that you love. Sometimes even having a good cry or venting to a friend who's outside of the situation. There is no shame in that. But find something, something that helps you decompress, something that helps you get all of that energy out that you're holding because of that situation. But avoid things that make you feel worse about yourself or that throw you off your goals and your plans. Over drinking, going heavy into drugs, alcohol, um you know, other kinds of addictions, those things can really throw you away from the things that you're trying to do. So, your outlet needs to be healthy. It needs to be something that you can feel good about that you're not disparaging yourself about every time you do it. Make allies. You need people in your corner. Nobody is an island unto themselves. We all need people to help us from time to time. And likely more often than we care to admit. Talk to people to everyone. You don't have to like them. You don't have to respect them even. But it behooves you to listen because you can learn something from every single person on this earth. even if it's learning what not to do. Allies in personal life can help us reflect, decompress, have fun. Allies in professional life can sometimes do the same. But more importantly, they help us process information and look at things from different angles. And if we're trying to do something, we have somebody in our corner because they understand how we're thinking about something. They can help give us perspective on ideas, on new directions. The saying on which this country was built rings true. Together we stand, divided we fall. So create unity wherever you go with whoever you can because when you have people in your corner, you become almost unstoppable. Beth, having a good support network is so very important. Yes. Yes. And if you do these things, you're not only going to be resilient, you're going to be a rock unto yourselves and to others. you'll start to maintain your calm and your cool even in the most challenging of situations because you'll have mentally prepared yourself to thrive in the face of anything. And if you want to take a moment, please add your tips and tricks for thriving in the face of resilience too, so that everyone can benefit from your knowledge as well. So, I'd love to see some things in the chat for that and see everyone share their wisdom and knowledge with each other so that we can all grow. Thank you, everyone. Well, Christina, thank you so much for that wonderful presentation. It was fantastic. And so, we're kind of So, thank you for Q&A. If anybody would like to ask Christina any additional questions, please let me know because but I know that you also answered a lot of the questions as we were going along. So before so everyone she's going to return and um Christine is going to return for the Q&A or for our panel in a little bit. So thank you so much for being with us today. So before we move to Kim's presentation, do you have any final words of wisdom on this topic? This has been fantastic. My final words of wisdom are just believe in yourself. Believe that you will get through it. believe that you will thrive because what you believe is what comes to be. Well, thank you so much for your time today.