Grand Rapids Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting: Job Title Does Not Reflect Self Worth

[Music] And so as we've heard from today for so many people that there everyone's had a pivot in their life whether that's due to health or family reasons or just maybe passions where they lie and as amazing as we know everyone's career career is. I think it's important that people don't define who they are and their self-worth just from that job title because that can definitely be um very harmful actually to your own self-esteem later down the road. So, let's go to the next slide. And although I've introduced myself, we'll do one more slide from here. I'm going to kind of notice how where um I wrote this one at least. I said that I'm a journalist at heart and that I am driven by curiosity and truth. Um, like I said, I love to travel and meet new people and learn their stories. Outside of that, I'm a sailor. I'm a yogi. I'm a wife. I'm hopefully soon to be an IVF mom. And, you know, with my degrees, those are great, too. But I don't actually say in that introduction what my title is. And there's a reason for that. So, let's go to the next slide, please. It's because when we hear the question specifically, tell me about yourself in a job interview, that's amazing. That's an opportunity for you to sit there and brag about all of your career wins and your career successes. But people say that all the time outside of the job world, too, when you're at a fun cocktail hour or perhaps catching a play downtown at Devos Place. You know, what do you do? Tell me about yourself. And most people have fallen into the trap of leading with their job, their job title specifically. And that job title tends to be connected to people's self-worth. As we know, self-worth is defined as the sense of one's own value as a human being or their self-esteem. And we get a lot of that self-worth from external validations. people saying, "Wow, that's amazing that you head up, let's say, Cherry Health or Mercy Health or that's amazing that you work for uh Kellogg and things of that nature are awesome." And you get a lot of accolades with that, but sometimes those accolades can come at a detriment. So, we're going to go to the next slide just to talk about that a bit. Next slide. So, we talk about the job trap. This is that job trap that we have been kind of noting on or that I'm noting on that as much as we love that title and what you know we are called to and how we define ourselves within the professional um career, we might put too much value in that and too much of how that sole thing can define us. And what happens if life experiences and life situations changed and all of a sudden what you valued most about yourself has been taken away from you. Also to mention that job titles don't necessarily always equate to job experience as we know in any career as well as just your actual worth within your own company. I know plenty of people who are midlevel uh managers that I would consider more leaders than that of those from the very top. So a title does not necessarily equate from the actual leadership perspective. Specifically in each of your careers, we've seen plenty of people that have failed upwards. And we have also seen plenty of people that just have not progressed for whatever it may be. They took some time off to take care of their ailing parents or to take care of their young child. and that has stagnated the general projection or trajectory of their career. So if it's all taken away, then what do you have? Next slide. I am what I do. That's what most of us actually say. That's how we define ourselves. And although there's something beautiful about that, I would say that again it's an issue. Instead of saying I am an anchor and a reporter at Wood TV, yes, that is my current job, but I actually identify as a journalist and that's for a reason because it's not drawn to or tied to one specific company or a job title. So, next slide is when we say it's taken all away, all of a sudden, you're going to start spiraling. I know a lot of women, myself included, when my job title was taken away for a bit that I spiraled. I thought that that's all I was to a certain extent. I was 10 years into the career. I had made it to a large market. I had a decent kind of degree behind me. And this is how I defined myself. And yes, I actually had or I had the benefit that um while I was dating someone, I was still very much not settled down in my own personal life. um which is a benefit but a detriment as well because I really put all of my time just into that space and for me when I was working at a station here in town um as we went for contract negotiations and to resign as so many ladies know we have non-competes um and while I was not planning to resign at that station at the time I had had plenty of meetings with um who was now the former news director at Wood TV and my initial thought was to be at Wood six months later once my my non-compete had run out. That was the plan. We had gone and done plenty of lunch meetings. We were in the process of signing some type of unofficial deal as we were going through it. And to be honest, um, my previous company kind of disparaged my name and that was hard and it was, um, preme. So it was really hard to, um, have me and a whole bunch of women feel heard or believed. And it really caused me to spiral because I had always been known and seen across town as this person who had this anchor title position and had been minging events and all of a sudden all of that had been what I felt like taken away from me and I was having trouble because at that point I was married to my husband or perhaps engaged and moving wasn't necessarily an option because that's the easiest way for me to just jump markets because he has steps and we to be in this area. And it took me about a year and a half to find kind of what my next steps were and to to a certain extent kind of regain my own um personality and my own self-esteem as well as to kind of write my name um because I had to sign an NDA. was not able to talk too much about it, but I had to prove with my own actions why I was worth taking a chance on and why I was someone that you would want on your team, which is where I go to my book recommendation. Now, there's been so many books and most of those books recommended today I've read and I would definitely encourage you guys to read them as well. But the book that I've read before and that I circled back to in that time of my own spiraling in despair was called the four agreements. It's about a 90 to 100 page book. It's very easy to read, a very quick read. It's by Don Miguel Ruiz. And it's about just the four agreements you need to have with yourself and in life to succeed. And not just professionally, but personally. I circled back to that book. And those four agreements, I'm going to go ahead and just give you the spoiler alert, but you should sit there and read them at some point, is to be impeccable with your word, to always try your best to not take things personally. And I wrote down the fourth because I always forget it. Um, excuse me. And to not make assumptions. Um, now I definitely would like to say that I took things personally for a while. And it was a personal issue that my name was sullied because other people were trying to protect themselves. And all I could do is do my best by kind of forcing myself back into the field in a different way. I had been in TV for 10 years at that point and all those TV doors were closed at the point at that time and so I had to go back to is it TV that I love the job title or is it just journalism at its heart meeting people storytelling and that's what it really was in the end. So, I started working lots of freelance jobs and I was able to kind of nudge my way in and become actually the news director at Wood Wood Radio, which was a blessing. Um but it took a long time for me to kind of um shed that layer of kind of bitterness that I had towards my previous station and just to rebuild my own reputation by being impeccable with my word by showing up by not making assumptions and really having to work with lots of personalities and to not take things that they said or even how they reacted personally. So, it was definitely for me the natural kind of learning lesson that life had to teach me because I was putting way too much of my worth in just that job title and not not enough of my worth in just who I am as a whole. So, let's go to the next slide so we can make sure that we understand where we should be finding our self-worth, not just in that title. And a lot of that lies in your passions and in your hobbies, your relationships, your communities, networking, what you do off the clock. What you do, who you help off the clock, whether that's sitting down with someone, mentoring them, building them up, or even just going to volunteer at the Humane Society, not having to post it online, not having to get everyone at work to join you, but to just kind of bring yourself back to where you were as a kid, what brought you joy, those good things. and making sure that you don't lose sight of that. Specifically, I know for a lot of us who have worked in higher executive levels, um the job can get much busier when you go further up and there's a lot of your task and then management of people and all of a sudden your day feels like you have 36 hours that you have to fit into eight or nine. Um, but it's important too once you are off the clock to really make sure you're looking at improving your own selfrowth and self-improvement and you need to contribute to things outside of work that inspire you to make sure again that you're not putting all your eggs in one singular basket. In that basket for me at that time was my job title which again as we know when it gets taken away it can really humble you to say the least. Next slide. Next slide, please. Um, I mean, this is very simple to say, but just don't drink your own job Kool-Aid. There are plenty of people, and this goes back to some of the questions that I saw earlier today when we were talking about the jerks in the office. There are plenty of people who have lots of thoughts on you, good or bad. Believe none of it. Even the good stuff. You don't want to drink too much of that Kool-Aid because that can be at your detriment that you can start to be you can start leading with ego and working with ego and managing with ego versus kind of that heart of what you're trying to do and your passion behind it. And the flip side is for those who are jerks. Uh I mean I'm sure we have all encountered those jerks in the worlds that we work in. Unfortunately, I get some of those emails um more often than not because in addition to just having to deal with unique personalities in any type of newsroom or office space, we have a lot of conservative West Michigan viewers who have lots of opinions on um how I dress or person uh even how I present myself. And that goes back to the book I had recommended that one of those agreements is to not take things personally. And it's easier said than done, but if you can practice almost even just saying that out loud at any given time, you can slowly build up almost a muscle in your head to let it all roll off your back, the good and bad. Because the people that you actually want to take critique, criticism, or even celebrations from are the people in your arena with you. Whether that's your family members are those who are actually doing the work with you. everyone else respectfully. They don't know the whole picture and so they're not going to be able to healthfully and wholeheartedly see what's going on. Next slide. So I kind of flew through this quickly because I also want to kind of give some good little tips as from a communications perspective we go into how people can grow their own job or their career. Um, but I just want you to take some moments today to reflect on how you would view yourself and describe yourself and how you would answer that question. Tell me about yourself in the future to make sure that if you lead with your job title, there's nothing wrong with that, but make sure you're not putting all of your worth in that title. Now, I do know that while I'm here, I happen to have uh more of a background obviously in communications, and I think a lot of people forget whether it's building a business, working in a major business, or just working an everyday job so you can one day travel the world. I think people sometimes forget that communications is really the key or the heart of any successful job, career, business. It's just being transparent, being honest, being open, um, and being aware that every word that you say that comes out of your mouth or that's written in an email does matter. So, you want to be cognizant that gravity is key. Um, sometimes people only give you three minutes of their time. So, you want to be very aware that your pitch is clean and tight. And most importantly, we teach this in news, but this gets applied across the board. It's personal. Um, from a news perspective, we always talk about how there has to be a news hook. So, whatever the kind of most relevant part of the story will say, for example, the FDA coming out with a new drug that has to do with weight loss. That's amazing. That drug just got approved. It's amazing. But if that was your pitch in an elevator to a corporate person, that doesn't really give us too much of the actual impact. So while we have the hook for any successful business or person to really sell it, you have to have the face or the heart of that story. So yes, this drug is amazing. And let me show you how. Because Sally Sue took this drug and after three years of being bedridden because of just weight that she could not get off and it wasn't successful, she's now walking. She's now talking. Sally Sue is the embodiment of the success of that drug. for example, and I'm not even pushing Mugloi or Mangaro. I don't know why that's my example, but I'm saying that this is just a general thing that as you're building your own career, you have to remember that your own personal experience does matter. And if you can personalize your pitches so people can see the human aspect and benefit of whatever it may be, a new product, a new service, a new way to run, let's say, some data, it will definitely be more successful and people remember the person more than just the statement itself. So that is all I wanted to say today. I hope everyone is successful with their next steps. Um, and just making sure that they don't lose sight of who they are just as they are climbing the ladder because that's when things can be at a detriment too. And then sometimes it's fine though. You will be humbled or have to take a step back or a major pay cut to refocus and center in on your passion. Well, Megan, thank you so much for sharing your story. And yes, and please keep those questions coming into the chat. And Megan, even though I didn't get to tell you, I have a big background in media. I was in media for over 20 years. In fact, I think Tara and I might have worked in the same market for a minute. Okay. So, so I started with a fun question. Um, I love all the stories of local media non-competes. I had a friend that once received a letter from an attorney when somebody randomly answered the desk phone at her old cubicle while she was in Paris waiting out the non-compete. Okay, so um all the I have all the fun stories to tell. Yes. Um let's go to this question from Rachel. And Rachel says, "Can you talk about job loss and friendships? When I lost my radio glamour job with concert tickets, photos with celebrities, my social circle changed dramatically. Yeah. Um, first, I'm sorry that that happened to you because no matter what, job loss is hard. And even if you were much healthier than me with putting more of your eggs in different baskets, it still is a humbling experience. Um, I'm also sorry that those friends um all of a sudden weren't opening the door or answering your calls. I'd like to say though that those then aren't friends. I think that unfortunately we as society we say friends almost too loosely now. Those are acquaintances or people that you kind of work with. Um people are attracted to the sexy jobs to the sexy titles. The the doctor, the lawyer, the head of management. Those are very attractive to people and people are inherently always trying to better themselves and maybe even kind of get themselves one up and they will use people and that's all right if there's something outside of just a transaction. It feels like that felt like a transaction and that is very hard to see. um it's a gift which is really unfortunate to say and kind of confusing some sometimes but people show you who they are and so even if you go back into a glamorous job ever in the future you'll have to remind yourself and again um something that's also I think a mistake that a lot of us make very early on in our careers and it's probably because we're all putting our head down and just really trying to pound the pavement so we can succeed we can grow is that Our friendships are pretty much just within our workplace. There's something nice if you find one or two friends in your workplace that you can truly kind of leave the job and talk about other things with, but in the end, if you have all of your friends in that basket and then that basket's taken away from you, those friends are taken with you. So again, that goes back to diversifying your own life and making sure that that job didn't just define you or that workplace or that those perks that came along with it. Well, thank you for that. Well, one last comment from Molly and then we'll ask you for some final thoughts as we wrap for the day. Molly says, "I love what you said about volunteering or something, doing it for yourself and not to share it with others like we did when we were kids." Yeah. You know, and I forget which book I just read. I I want to say it might have been a conversation with Esther Pell um that talked about the importance of play. Um which I believe is kind of hearkening back to when we were children and play is important and play when you're a little girl or a little boy or a little whomever you are. If you kind of sit there and you take a look at and reflect on what you used to love to do, dance, paint, watercolors, uh, pet dogs, whatever it may be, it's interesting that when you return to those hobbies, whether it's one off or every once in a while, how fulfilled you feel again. Um, and again, that goes back to just kind of the world that we live in. We can get so boggled down with having to check so many boxes and to complete our own kind of laundry list of things or even someone else's if we're working for someone else that we forget who we are outside of that. So yes, I do think that it's important to volunteer, play, whatever it may be and also don't look for the accolades with it. I know people who volunteer just for the sake of volunteering, which is fine, but they are checking a box versus getting the passion out of it or that kind of emotional reward that you do when you're doing it genuinely. Well, thank you so much. Well, this has been a fantastic day and a great way to end our afternoon. So, as we wrap for the afternoon, any final words of wisdom for our viewers today? Honestly, for me, I would just say listen to all these amazing women today. Um, and hear the good and the bad. Everyone's shared their own personal struggles that have happened, too. And know that when you're in the thick of it, those struggles, you're not alone. And that's when friendships, mentorships, or sponsorships are important because that's when you can go and confide in someone and make sure that you get out of that rut as quickly as you can. Well, thank you so much for your time this afternoon. My pleasure. Well, thank you to Well, thank you to all of our speakers today, both our panel members and our keynote speakers. And thank you to all of our viewers as well. Without all of you, these events would not happen. So, until next time, this is Ginger Wadley signing off. Have a fantastic afternoon, everyone.